i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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