turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
