Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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