and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
