she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
