Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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