I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
