i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
