True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
