i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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