therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Your penis caused this!
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
