just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
