Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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