Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
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Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
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Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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