dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
