I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
