I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
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