I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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