ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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