Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
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