I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
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As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
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Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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