If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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