The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your topless pictures make me question reality
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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