This is the prime rib incident all over again
My vagina just recognized that song.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
