Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
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so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
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But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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