Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
