Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
it glows. i had to have it.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
