Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
