I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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