My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
