He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
