he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
