I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
