You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
You ate ashes out of my bong
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
