I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You are the jesus of drinking
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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