I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
i think my cat just said my name.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
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