I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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