The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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