Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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