Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
