I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
