I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
