I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
