the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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