im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
