Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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