It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Randomize
