So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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