I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
