My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
