"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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