when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
