So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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