My friends, they love my intelligence
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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