Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
