my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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