i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
