Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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