I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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