Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
