I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
