let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Randomize
