Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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