i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
